A quick update

*Exhale*

I don’t really know where to begin. I have so many updates to write on here but I really haven’t been in much of a writing mood lately. I lack the energy, motivation and mental clarity. My mood has taken a massive turn for the worst lately, as I kind of expected it to. This is the worst time of year for me. I actually don’t think I have felt this bad since January 2012. I see no point in staying alive. I find myself wishing that I had never been born. I have so much anger and pain and misery and hate and loneliness and despair that I just need to vent on here, probably in a jumbled mess of posts. Social anxiety isn’t even my biggest problem any more – it’s more my complete inability to trust and form relationships with other people, and my depression. There is nothing to my life. Nearly 20 years laid to waste. I do not want to stick around for the rest if this is all my life will ever be. I feel hated by everyone – like I am the most disgusting, despicable, useless, unlovable human being that has ever walked the earth. I am pathetic. Maybe I deserve nothing positive from this world. I feel a depressive rantfest coming on…

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