Three years self-injury free

I never thought I would have been able to go this long without cutting during the worst depressive episode of my life. I am so, so glad that self-injury is no longer a part of my life. I hope it never is again. I can’t promise that it’s something I’ll never do again (as there is always the chance of having another severe depressive episode) but I can promise that I will try my best to find healthier alternatives to dealing with overwhelming emotions.

By now, my scars probably won’t heal any more than they already have, which saddens me quite a lot. A couple of people have suggested to me that I could get a tattoo to cover them up but I don’t think I’d suit one and I’m not sure if I’d want a tattoo anyway. I suppose it’s still an option though. I’m not sure what else I could do. I’m not sure if surgery is possible for self injury scars, and it would probably cost a fortune anyway. There’s always the worry that my relatives (those that aren’t part of my immediate family) will one day find out, or that I won’t be able to hide them from future employers (due to uniform regulations) and will be discriminated against because of them. That worry, and the need to always remain vigilant about who sees my scars, will always be there.

Still…despite the immense regret I feel about inflicting those scars, I’m proud of myself for being able to beat the habit of self-injury and recover to the point where I have no desire to do it any more. I just wanted to write this short post as a “congratulations” to myself, and to remind myself how far I’ve come.ย If self-injury is something that you’re currently struggling with, see this postย for some alternatives that worked for me during the initial stages of stopping.

By the way, I apologise that my last few posts have been so rushed and badly written. Work (and the exhaustion caused by the anxiety I feel when I’m there), combined with my apparent inability to sleep while it’s still light outside, are turning me into a bit of a zombie at the moment.

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6 Responses to Three years self-injury free

  1. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Three years is truly something to be proud of! And that’s not easy to do , so I too wish to draw attention to your efforts to stop self injuring. I struggle with self injury too and strongly believe in celebrating hard earned accomplishments in that battle. Hats off to you for being able to go so long without falling prey to it. And thank you for sharing your victory with the rest of us . It truly is inspiring to hear and to know that there are others who are out there winning their battles against it as we speak. Wonderful! Thanks for posting!

  2. John says:

    Well done on all the progress ๐Ÿ™‚
    I was told by my GP that I could get (some) treatment for some barely noticeable acne scars on my neck through the NHS. Surely you would be able to too?

    • Gemma says:

      Thank you. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m not sure but I think that the fact that my scars are self-inflicted would make it more difficult to get treatment for them. I’ll try and remember to ask about it the next time I’m at a nurse appointment though.

  3. JRollendz says:

    Proud of you! You’re doing such a great job! A lot of people DO get tattoos to cover up scars, but a lot of people also get tattoos that emphasize their scars or highlight them to show what they’ve been through. If you decide to get one, I’m sure everyone would love to see it!

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