The memory now is like the picture was then,
When the paper’s crumpled up it can’t be perfect again
– ‘Forgotten’ by Linkin Park
If someone tells you something – whether that be that you’re ugly, worthless, a freak, no good, too horrible to have friends, etc – eventually, it becomes truth. So blindly true, in fact, that you don’t even question it. Especially if you are told these things when your brain is still developing (i.e. childhood or teenhood), and you lack the critical thinking skills of an adult. It is all the more true if you are told these things day in, day out, by multiple people. And the lies turned truths are even more effective if you have no friends to refute them, and to shield your highly fragile adolescent self-esteem from cruel words and actions. It’s sad but true that what someone says to you when you’re 13 years old can profoundly affect you for the rest of your life. The legacy of being bullied can last a lifetime.
Being bullied leaves an indelible mark. No matter the progress, the doubt – both in yourself and in others – will always remain. Perhaps time, and repeated positive social interactions, will help to heal. The memories will never go away, but perhaps with some hard work and luck, their impact can be blunted over time.
Edit: This post was taken from some “free-writing” I did a while back. I hope to FINALLY write more (mainly far more positive) blog posts soon.